Mum and I agreed to have the family meeting only to help my Brother and Father who were struggling to come to terms that I was gay. At first I didn’t want to have a family meeting with me in the spotlight but I began to see it was the only way we could move forward.
The church pastor and his Wife came over to discuss homosexuality in terms of the Bible. In total there seven were of us, Mum, Dad, Brother, Sister, Sister-in-law, the Pastor and his wife. We started off taking turns discussing how we felt, going around in a circle. Tears began to erupt as everyone’s true emotions were being revealed. The meeting took three hours, the Pastor was very neutral but overall came into the meeting with the idea of “changing” or “fixing” me… along with my brother, they believed that I could change my sexuality to straight, which we all know does not work.
I denied for years that I was gay, I tried to ‘change’ to straight but I learnt that you can’t just ‘change’ something like that, it’s who you are. We looked at all of the biblical scripture that refers to homosexuality, all pointing to the fact that the bible sees it as a sin, equal to that of murder, thieving and adultery. But I began to ask myself how this could be, these sins that are evil being compared to a ‘sin’ that, for me, will be made up of love. My emotions took over, everyone was able to see the love I have for God and that I truly believe I am a Christian and can still be a Christian when living a gay life.
How could loving someone be wrong in the eyes of God, when God is love? That is the sort of question that began to come to my mind. Thankfully for me I had the support of my Mother and my Sister, who both accept who I am. My Sister could see that I was beginning to feel uncomfortable so she spoke up, she said “I am going to leave here today bitter, bitter at the way you have sat there and attacked my brother, told him he is wrong, You could have done this in a nice way but you haven’t… Lewis (me) has come here today for you guys, not for himself but for you.” I was so thankful that she spoke up and told them how she felt.
Finally, after the three intense hours the meeting was over. Everyone was emotionally and physically drained for the rest of the day. Overall, it was good that everyone was able to get their true feelings out and everyone was able to see where I stood both with God and myself.
How I feel now:
It has been a week or two since the meeting and I am feeling so much happier. Coming out has lifted a huge burden off of my shoulders, my Dad and Brother are acting a lot more like they did before I came out which is nice.
In terms of my beliefs now, I look at my life and my future, being with a man for me will not be about lust but will be about love, sex is an act of love for me. Not only do I know that God loves me, I hope that because God is love, He will see the love that I hold for my partner and this will overtake the idea of it as a sin. The other sins are full of hate and evil acts, which for me, homosexuality is an act of love which is very different. So if anyone ever says that being gay sends me to hell, I ask how could love send someone to hell….
Love is Love ❤